Ohayo Gozaimasu

“OH-HI-OH GO-ZEYE-MUSS”- Hello, or hi, or good morning, or something. I don’t know. All I know is NO ONE said konnichiwa in Japan even though I said it about every 2.5 seconds.

EVERYONE should go to Japan. I went around this time last year & although most people were all like “why are you going there? What an odd place to decide to go” it was SO AWESOME WOW. SUPER KAWAII HAPPY FUN TIMES! Here is what I want to pass on to anyone who wants to go/is going/might go/doesn’t get why the hell you would go to Japan:

Like Christmas but BETTER

Like Christmas but BETTER

CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS
I am partial to a cat or 300. I LOVE cats. Cats are so funny & sometimes they’re really selfish & grumpy, which I really relate to. One second they want to be patted then they get sick of it & they will claw you & run away. This speaks to my soul. The Japanese love cats as much as I do, maybe even MORE (insane). They have what are called CAT CAFES. These are cafes filled with fricken CATS people. What was more fun while I was in Japan: Disneyland or the cat cafe? The cat cafe hands down. I had one of the most embarrassing experiences ever in Disneyland (coming up), even putting this fact aside the cat cafe was as if I had died & gone to lonely-lady heaven. It was in the most nondescript building in Kobukicho, I was concerned maybe we had misunderstood what a cat cafe was & we were going to be treated to the infamous fetishes of the Japanese people. Calico Cat Cafe was two stories, & filled with every which cat. Fluffy cats, munchkin cats, evil cats, sleepy cats, cats in bowls, cats fighting cats… CATS! Do you like cats? Go to Japan. If you do nothing else, go sip on some green tea while playing with 50 cats at the same time. Like heroin for the cat lover, but better.

Did, in fact, turn out to be a cafe full of cats & not the other kind of pussy...

Did, in fact, turn out to be a cafe full of cats & not the other kind of pussy. Photo bomb by me.

How does one find somewhere happier?

How does one find somewhere happier?

LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS
I know heaps of people say this back here in Australia, but I’m sorry, LEGGINGS ARE PANTS. I wear them as pants. Like, daily. It is acceptable to wear them as pants here, people aren’t going to stare & laugh. If your arse happens to be less than perfect then maybe someone might make a snide comment to their friend when you’re not looking but generally, leggings are pants okay. I treat leggings as pants. PLEASE, DO NOT WEAR LEGGINGS WITHOUT A SKIRT IN JAPAN. DO NOT DO IT. IF YOU’RE GOING TO DO IT JUST PUT ON STOCKINGS & NOTHING OVER THEM & GO OUT. I’M SO SERIOUS RIGHT NOW! How do I know this? I did it. I wore a top & stripy leggings to Sea Disney & wanted to cry all day. The amount of kawaii Japanese girls giggling & staring at me was excruciating. The more I paid attention to it, the more I realised that in Japan you MUST wear shorts or a skirt over leggings. That is what they are for. I wanted to throw myself into the sea surrounding the theme park & let it carry me into oblivion. I had done the equivalent of wearing stockings as pants, & never will I ever forget the embarrassment. The shame. It ruined my day. Leggings are not pants in Japan.

Me at Disneyland without proper pants. Also I am dressed in a Stitch cape. I can't believe I am showing the world this.

Me at Disneyland without proper pants. Also I am dressed in a Stitch cape. I can’t believe I am showing the world this.

CULTURALLY CONFUSED FOOD
I thought Australia’s version of ‘Chinese’ food was muddled up. The food in Japan is so insane (I’ll add in a good way, here). Would you like some sausages baked in mayonnaise in a German beer hall, all while you eat with chopsticks? TOO EASY, THAT IS THE SPECIALTY IN TOKYO! Some sort of animal’s penis fried up? (I didn’t experience anything like this, but people I know did) Seriously, way too easy. You’re going to have to try harder to stump these amazing people. You think of it, they have it. Also, the tiny supermarkets lining the streets were stocked with sushi on sushi on sushi. & bento boxes. They made for a really beautiful sight, in a spot as mundane to the locals as the sidewalk.

Yes please.

Yes please.

Role reversal: I took photos of everything. I was THAT tourist.

Role reversal: I took photos of everything. I was THAT tourist.

WHY YOU HAVE TO GO
I also sipped sake like a pro (I thought so anyway, I was drunk though). I sat in little lane way bars that were so skinny you could barely fit two people in its width. I ran around Tokyo in heels & got blisters the size of small children on the balls of my feet. I danced in a gay club with transsexuals who were hotter, & had bigger heels, than me. I made a wish on the wishing tree in a temple, & was touched to the core at the beauty & tranquility of the place. I saw a traditional Japanese wedding. I wrote directions into google translations at the start of each morning so the cab driver would understand me. I played with Japanese toys. I was stared at everywhere I went like some amazing oddity with blue eyes & a funny voice. There is a pattern emerging: I start off my posts laden with satire & end on a serious note. I’m sorry, I will try break that habit. But I simply can’t seriously let you know how beautiful, diverse, spiritual, & crazy this part of the planet is. The people are amazing. The food is amazing. The clubs are amazing. The sake is amazing. Even being laughed at was amazing. I would move to this place. I loved it that much.

Unsure when this post became about embarrasing myself. But, Sanrio Puroland! Home of hello Kitty!

Unsure when this post became about embarrassing myself. But, Sanrio Puroland! Home of Hello Kitty!

The home of Hello Kitty (HARO KITTI in Japanese) has a special place in my heart.

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2 thoughts on “Ohayo Gozaimasu

  1. Natalie says:

    HAHAHAHAHA “they claw you and run away , this speaks to my soul”

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