See Squared

Before anyone inevitably judges me harshly based on the title of the post, I would like to say I have not had self-taken “nudes” of me posted on the internet a la Jennifer Lawrence (who is just one of hundreds who have been hacked. I assume everyone is talking about her, though, because there’s so many & they’re so god damn good). I have, however, had someone take pictures of me in the shower unbeknownst to me until they appeared on Facebook. By someone whom I was both committed to & trusting of (seemingly the only difference between me & Bingle). But yes, almost exactly like Fev’s impromptu ‘Lara Bingle in the shower’ portraits. A week apart from hers actually, to my utter disbelief. So while I HAVE looked at these leaked images (you are fucking lying if you pretend you’re ‘better’ than that) I HAVE also been on the other side of it. & it’s absolutely horrific, even when you’re a ‘nobody’.

My picture happened to be me in the shower, only my pert little 18-year-old butt on display thank GOD. So really, only side-boob & butt cheek was seen. It wasn’t much more than what you see on 18 year olds in nightclubs these days. But the horrific part was I was showering. A completely private, mundane, but also what I discovered to be sacred thing you do daily. Once you reach puberty, most of the time the only people who get to see you doing such a thing are your intimate partners. The feeling of utter violation is sickening. Someone called me when it happened, & my stomach dropped like I had just jumped out of a plane at 30,000 feet. Next were the tears. Lots. This was all before I got to read the comments. For some disgusting but somehow understandable reason, guys had started rating me out of ten. “3/10”, said one guy I didn’t think was even attractive enough to let buy me a drink, let alone be looking at me showering & then deeming me of below average appearance.

The next ordeal was the police. I walked into that station scared, humiliated & confused. I was met with a female officer who viewed the screenshot I had taken, including all the comments. “Have you asked them to take it down?” she looked at me dismissively. She could have just called me a slut & I would have been LESS offended. She then told me there was “nothing” they could do. That’s right. If someone happens to post revealing images of you on Facebook, it is outside of their sanction & they can’t really do anything about it. It was eventually deleted, obviously (hello violation of the terms & conditions), but the damage was done & I assume this is how all these celebrities feel. Utterly hopeless, as it’s beyond anyone’s control except for threatening legal action on a global level.

Illustration by Cathy Wilcox

As someone who has unfortunately sort of been-there-&-done-that to a minor extent, what’s blowing my mind is the ill-informed feminazi quotes I’ve seen of “IF YOU SHARE THESE IMAGES YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN THE PERPETRATOR/HACKER! YOU HAVE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED THESE WOMEN TOO!” Are you joking me? You are going to go so far as to call somewhat-normal voyeurs assailants too just because they can’t help but want to see naked bodies? You do realise you have just accused SEXUAL ASSAULT on a very, very large number of people whom are just like yourself? Don’t dilute such a serious crime. I don’t really blame anyone for saving my picture. Or even circulating my picture, which was done so on a small scale. Would I have done the same? You know what, probably. I would have meant no harm from it, but that sick part of me that loves to know business that’s not mine would have prevailed. These women are celebrities, of course people will want to see their tits & then show it to their friends. It’s not right, but is its occurrence not understandable?

While I empathise with the situation; Jennifer Lawrence, if you are reading this… I love you. Everyone else, perhaps the next time this sort of situation happens to someone you may know, I hope you remember my post & the humanistic side before you text it to 25 of your ‘closest’ friends with a “lol”… But you probably won’t.