Tag Archives: happiness

Relationships

If my blog had digital cobwebs, I just spent 10 minutes dusting them off. I almost forgot I had a blog. Well, not really. But it sure as shit would seem that way. There’s been something on my mind long enough to warrant me putting my rant hat back on (it’s never far from reach) & deciding it was time. Time to write about something that’s fucking ridiculous (in my opinion).

“10 steps to a better relationship!”, “How to never fight with your partner again”, “How to be the perfect couple”. Obviously, I’m not here to give relationship advice per se. I’m here to have a critical look at what this relationship-angst phenomenon really is. We’re fucking bombarded with this shit. Seriously. As if body image & health & sexuality & all the other god damn things in life didn’t provide us with enough to worry about on a daily basis, now every fuckwit working for every mainstream publication wants to tell YOU how YOUR relationship “should” be. That is if you don’t fit the square hole with your triangle shaped relationship, you should be concerned. The biggest & most annoying stigma, for me, has got to be the old “perfect-couples-never-argue” myth.

A friend aptly asked me a while ago, “do you guys fight?”. ‘You’ being me & my partner. “Always”, I replied, with no hesitation. This reply might seem somewhat shocking to the majority of people. It’s strangely taboo to admit that deciding on a restaurant to eat at can soon escalate into full blown character assassination & a night of sleeping in separate beds. If I had a dollar for every smug person who said to me they never, ever fight with their partner I would have zero dollars actually… Because I just punched them in the face & never spoke to them again. No, but seriously. If you “never” fight, well done. Would you like a cookie? Take it. If that’s your biggest relationship goal then I sort of feel bad for you anyway.

Yeah I just went there...

Yeah I just went there…

Being in a relationship means being around that person all the time. Being in a relationship means finding out the annoying shit about someone. Being in a relationship means dealing with the annoying shit about someone while being around him or her all the time. Being in a relationship also means your feelings are going to get hurt, & you’re going to react in ways that are emotional or irrational sometimes. Sometimes you’ll get drunk & think that your partner was staring at someone else’s ass, when really they were concentrating super hard on not puking in the club. You’ll then tip your drink over their head & have to spend half of Sunday being cutesy-pie & ever so sorry for being such a fuckwit. This is life. Shit happens, hey? It always has. It always will. Why then, do we shame people for doing something relatively normal, like arguing? For admitting sometimes their partner chews really loud & it sounds so gross so they fucking scream at them & then think maybe they could have just said politely to please stop (guilty).

Pretending your relationship is ‘perfect’ is something everyone should stop doing. Right now. It does no one any favours, including yourself. I can’t even imagine how it would feel to be someone who avoids fighting with their partner, just so they can wear the ‘perfect couple’ crown & sit upon some fake as fuck throne made out of bullshit & lies all for the sake of show. Please don’t try to tell me these types don’t exist because they do. I have met them. For those couples I ask; how do you vent? How do you work through issues? How do you know you’re not going to have an aneurism very, very soon?

Unless all you’re doing is fighting & nothing else (& you’ve forgotten what sex is because you can’t trust yourself near their genitals for want of biting it off forever as revenge for that side chick you found out your boyfriend was messaging on Facebook) I would almost be willing to say that if you fight every now & then, you’re on the right track. It means you care. & it means that there is love, passion, fire, & two people that are autonomous from each other.

What could be ‘healthier’ than that?

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Ohayo Gozaimasu

“OH-HI-OH GO-ZEYE-MUSS”- Hello, or hi, or good morning, or something. I don’t know. All I know is NO ONE said konnichiwa in Japan even though I said it about every 2.5 seconds.

EVERYONE should go to Japan. I went around this time last year & although most people were all like “why are you going there? What an odd place to decide to go” it was SO AWESOME WOW. SUPER KAWAII HAPPY FUN TIMES! Here is what I want to pass on to anyone who wants to go/is going/might go/doesn’t get why the hell you would go to Japan:

Like Christmas but BETTER

Like Christmas but BETTER

CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS
I am partial to a cat or 300. I LOVE cats. Cats are so funny & sometimes they’re really selfish & grumpy, which I really relate to. One second they want to be patted then they get sick of it & they will claw you & run away. This speaks to my soul. The Japanese love cats as much as I do, maybe even MORE (insane). They have what are called CAT CAFES. These are cafes filled with fricken CATS people. What was more fun while I was in Japan: Disneyland or the cat cafe? The cat cafe hands down. I had one of the most embarrassing experiences ever in Disneyland (coming up), even putting this fact aside the cat cafe was as if I had died & gone to lonely-lady heaven. It was in the most nondescript building in Kobukicho, I was concerned maybe we had misunderstood what a cat cafe was & we were going to be treated to the infamous fetishes of the Japanese people. Calico Cat Cafe was two stories, & filled with every which cat. Fluffy cats, munchkin cats, evil cats, sleepy cats, cats in bowls, cats fighting cats… CATS! Do you like cats? Go to Japan. If you do nothing else, go sip on some green tea while playing with 50 cats at the same time. Like heroin for the cat lover, but better.

Did, in fact, turn out to be a cafe full of cats & not the other kind of pussy...

Did, in fact, turn out to be a cafe full of cats & not the other kind of pussy. Photo bomb by me.

How does one find somewhere happier?

How does one find somewhere happier?

LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS
I know heaps of people say this back here in Australia, but I’m sorry, LEGGINGS ARE PANTS. I wear them as pants. Like, daily. It is acceptable to wear them as pants here, people aren’t going to stare & laugh. If your arse happens to be less than perfect then maybe someone might make a snide comment to their friend when you’re not looking but generally, leggings are pants okay. I treat leggings as pants. PLEASE, DO NOT WEAR LEGGINGS WITHOUT A SKIRT IN JAPAN. DO NOT DO IT. IF YOU’RE GOING TO DO IT JUST PUT ON STOCKINGS & NOTHING OVER THEM & GO OUT. I’M SO SERIOUS RIGHT NOW! How do I know this? I did it. I wore a top & stripy leggings to Sea Disney & wanted to cry all day. The amount of kawaii Japanese girls giggling & staring at me was excruciating. The more I paid attention to it, the more I realised that in Japan you MUST wear shorts or a skirt over leggings. That is what they are for. I wanted to throw myself into the sea surrounding the theme park & let it carry me into oblivion. I had done the equivalent of wearing stockings as pants, & never will I ever forget the embarrassment. The shame. It ruined my day. Leggings are not pants in Japan.

Me at Disneyland without proper pants. Also I am dressed in a Stitch cape. I can't believe I am showing the world this.

Me at Disneyland without proper pants. Also I am dressed in a Stitch cape. I can’t believe I am showing the world this.

CULTURALLY CONFUSED FOOD
I thought Australia’s version of ‘Chinese’ food was muddled up. The food in Japan is so insane (I’ll add in a good way, here). Would you like some sausages baked in mayonnaise in a German beer hall, all while you eat with chopsticks? TOO EASY, THAT IS THE SPECIALTY IN TOKYO! Some sort of animal’s penis fried up? (I didn’t experience anything like this, but people I know did) Seriously, way too easy. You’re going to have to try harder to stump these amazing people. You think of it, they have it. Also, the tiny supermarkets lining the streets were stocked with sushi on sushi on sushi. & bento boxes. They made for a really beautiful sight, in a spot as mundane to the locals as the sidewalk.

Yes please.

Yes please.

Role reversal: I took photos of everything. I was THAT tourist.

Role reversal: I took photos of everything. I was THAT tourist.

WHY YOU HAVE TO GO
I also sipped sake like a pro (I thought so anyway, I was drunk though). I sat in little lane way bars that were so skinny you could barely fit two people in its width. I ran around Tokyo in heels & got blisters the size of small children on the balls of my feet. I danced in a gay club with transsexuals who were hotter, & had bigger heels, than me. I made a wish on the wishing tree in a temple, & was touched to the core at the beauty & tranquility of the place. I saw a traditional Japanese wedding. I wrote directions into google translations at the start of each morning so the cab driver would understand me. I played with Japanese toys. I was stared at everywhere I went like some amazing oddity with blue eyes & a funny voice. There is a pattern emerging: I start off my posts laden with satire & end on a serious note. I’m sorry, I will try break that habit. But I simply can’t seriously let you know how beautiful, diverse, spiritual, & crazy this part of the planet is. The people are amazing. The food is amazing. The clubs are amazing. The sake is amazing. Even being laughed at was amazing. I would move to this place. I loved it that much.

Unsure when this post became about embarrasing myself. But, Sanrio Puroland! Home of hello Kitty!

Unsure when this post became about embarrassing myself. But, Sanrio Puroland! Home of Hello Kitty!

The home of Hello Kitty (HARO KITTI in Japanese) has a special place in my heart.

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