A lot of people probably know a football player, or if not, his missus. Yet, I am always surprised at the amount of girls still wanting to date an AFL player. Some people also seem to think I live in this mystical land of free things, champagne & pretty people. Well, I just spent a good 30 minutes cleaning up dog turds on my decking because my puppies are really dumb & lazy. I clean up a lot of poo. So on that note, let me tell you why being a WAG is a BAD IDEA. VERY BAD IDEA.
This guy is lucky enough to be able to call me his girlfriend. Ashley Smith of the West Coast Eagles.
It’s not about you.
Ever. I don’t mean sometimes, I mean all the time. Really sick & have no family because you moved interstate to be with the love of your life? (I’m an expert on this shit). Doesn’t matter. Your boyfriend has to play footy & the fact that you feel like you may have died & met the devil himself in a feverish hallucination is beyond insignificant. Can I just reiterate that I am an only child quickly? You may have garnered that fact even if you didn’t previously know. But seriously, it sucks. People ask about your partner all the time. Sometimes even omitting a “so, how are you too?” in the process. I grew up the apple of my family’s eye, & to be ushered to the sidelines both literally & metaphorically can be hard on a girl. The constant reminder that you are just another brick in the wall & your boyfriend is part of an elite group of professionals can kind of suck on those days where you’re up to your tenth blank stare from someone & you just know they’re thinking “who the fuck are you?”.
Footy becomes your life.
Don’t close the browser tab, I’m not insulting your intelligence. Footy becomes your life in a way you never really considered before. Let me elaborate. You’re buying the weekly groceries, & planning what to eat for the week. In a lot of households a “what do you want?” may suffice. Uh uh. Not here. “What day is the game this week? Are you playing AFL or WAFL? Will you even be home for dinner or are you doing a handful of appearances & clinics this week?” is what I need to ask. What day the game is is by far THE most important. Ladies, an AFL player needs to carb load. Even local footy players need to do this, but this is the big league & god forbid you better feed him right lest he have a shitty game & you feel guilty for not fulfilling your WAG duties. On a low carb diet? HA! Think you’ll make two meals & avoid that massive bowl of spaghetti on a weekly basis? I’m laughing. I have tried, & maybe my resolve is especially weak. But, you will be carb loading once a week too, I almost guarantee. & it hurts.
The WAG bit.
I am no Rebecca Judd, CLEARLY. I can best be described as “nobody”. I am about 10 kilos heavier than Mrs. Judd even though she has had a child (HOW?), & my bank account is much lighter (dear god switch these two things around will you, please?). This is probably why my WAG life is so different to what a lot of people imagine. But, I anticipate there are a lot of girls out there who would nod their heads in agreement because only a minority are filthy rich & extremely well-known. The WAG bit is hard when you’re a bit of an unknown straddling the perimeter. The ability to dress fabulously while maintaining you spent no time or effort at all is one that is really hard to master. Three years later & I’m still trying desperately. My role of WAG can be better described as this: a second mother, a lover, a cleaner, a chef, the cheer squad, the therapist, the psychologist, & the fierce lioness who will RIP YOUR HEAD OFF IF I HEAR YOU SAY ANYTHING ABOUT NUMBER 28. You have many, many roles to play. Many more than donning a dress & making your man look amazing at the annual Best & Fairest Awards.
2012 WCE Best & Fairest.
I hope it is obvious that this is a bit of a tongue-in-cheek rendition of my life, & also an attempt to tell you what it’s really like for a lot of the partners of professional athletes. Most of all, what I would like people to understand most is that both people in the relationship of WAG & AFL player work extremely hard. My boyfriend trains roughly 5 times a week, but also with a game on the weekend in front of tens of thousands. & his midweek day off is taken up with various other commitments related to his job. Don’t get me wrong, there are perks. For some a lot more than others. But it is a taxing life. Emotionally, physically, & mentally. Life is hard no matter who you are or what you do, but it is an extremely misunderstood profession.
Ladies, date a tradie. He’ll have a killer bod & can fix anything around the house at your whim.
See Squared 
oh my god. that last line is my favourite. i love a handyman haha. loving these blogs!
I speak the truth, the whole truth & nothing but the truth so help me god.
You summed being a wag up 100%. You’re a good writer Court!
Thank you very much!
Hallelujah, the truth comes out! My partner just showed me this, he’s also an AFL player (for collingwood) and we both couldn’t agree with this more.. People think we’re loaded and spoilt, I’m a poor uni student and that we go to fancy functions all the time, there’s 2 a year! Very good writing! 🙂
I’m also a super broke student! I’m so glad you agree. Also might I add paying for the dresses for the functions is super painful 😦 haha. Please visit again!
Add the shoes on top of that too 😲… And then I found a collingwood supporters discussion thread on the internet paying out my shoes I wore to a function once.. I mean come on! Haha
Wow! 100% correct!! My BF plays for the Giants and I moved up from Melbourne last year after living there my entire life… My life is honestly not as glamorous as everyone makes it out to be!! I love you ladies for feeling the same way as I do!! Poor uni student here too!!! haha xxx
How did you find the move?! I struggled so much. I’m so glad you relate. So many of us studying, I think we can debunk the “dumb” myth too 😉
It was really tough to begin with. I’ve always been really close to my family and I absolutely adore my nephew!! My sister was 8 months pregnant at the time as well with my niece so it was really hard knowing I was going to miss out on a fair bit. I was also offered a casual job before I moved to Sydney, once I got up here the lady said she couldn’t give me the job anymore… So I was jobless for about 3 months after moving up, that really killed me!! I eventually got work and then I started uni so everything was going to plan. I cope a lot better now but I still struggle obviously because I don’t really have anyone else up here (family wise). It also sucks being away from the BF so often, with him travelling interstate and what not but we learn to cope!! We can definitely throw that stereotype out the door! I feel like I work so hard studying, working part time, cleaning, being a girlfriend/wife, sometimes a mother and all that in-between… What I do know though, is that it will never change my love for Will 🙂 He’s a gem!! Where abouts did you move from? Moving to Perth would be quite the struggle I can image!!
Brilliant! You had me laughing out loud at the start with your dumb and lazy puppies. I thought it was me, but now think I have lazy puppies too. They especially do not like wet grass!!
Liked the whole post too 🙂
Do yours get even lazier when it’s raining?! That’s when inside accidents seem to happen. So annoying. We have two British Bulldogs & they are pretty infamous for their laziness!
I married a contract fireman. You know the type – sexy, hard working, dedicated to saving people. Yep, start drooling ladies, because I picked a winner. He handed me his phone so I could read this post and he farted before he walked away.
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
Things are never what they seem.
And although I’m not a WAG and would never want to be, I am involved with the sport. I have no choice. My husband is obsessed. He’s the type that knows what you guys have for breakfast. He watched 360, Before the Game, After the Game, During the Game and any other AFL show that has anything remotely to do with the game.
So I admire you and the obsessive culture that comes with the sport.
Only this morning I had to break up a fight between my 4 & 6 year old boys – (and ironically, my eldest is named Ash Smith). o.O Both of them wanted to be the same AFL player in their make believe game and neither one of them would change their mind.
No my kids don’t play with lego or cars…they play football. All day. Every day.
In 2009, I was 9 months pregnant when my husband dragged me on a five hour car trip to watch the AFL grand final. I sat on one of the hard Melbourne CBD streets, fat as a house, uncomfortable as hell, all because my husband wanted a front row position for the parade.
Not cool.
At least you lovely ladies get to snuggle up against a sexy body when your talented men are home. I’m a romance author. My readers dream about that sort of thing. It may not be a glamorous lifestyle, but in the eyes of others, your life is a fantasy. Milk it all you can.
I am literally laughing out loud at your husband handing you his phone then farting & walking away hahaha. Amazing. Maybe our two should meet up & smell & talk footy? Perfect match!
I think what your readers are dreaming about isn’t actually what our life is. Trust me, I dream about it too! I must confess, I had huge romantic ideations of what I thought my life had the potential to become when I became a WAG. It didn’t last long. I do the dishes, the washing, the cleaning, I look after our three animals (like any woman really), & I am so god damn scared for when we start to procreate & I have other little humans too!
I loved your reply, thank you so much. Really cheeky, funny & honest which is what I aim to be. Where can I read your work Eden? Your comment has me hooked I’d love you to get to know your work.
Lastly, how cute that you have a little Ash Smith. Awesome name, maybe he might consider having a look at the west coast eagles?
Thank you again, I will indeed milk it 😉 this post has by far the most views on my blog. Not hard to wonder why!
Yes, my husband is class all the way. Just wait till I show him what I posted on your blog. He will kill me… and it will totally be worth it.
But I agree with you entirely. Perceptions are far from reality. In romantic fiction though, that is the best part 🙂
Love this. As a fellow writer, passionate West Coast supporter and wannabe WAG (if it wasn’t for the pesky fact I’m past my use-by-date at the big Three Zero), I loved your insight and gladly hit the follow button. Can’t wait for the next post!
Hi Abi, thank you so much! If you want to be a WAG for the day you are so welcome to come hang out with me, I promise you will be really bored & want to go home quick smart haha. I am currently writing my criminology research proposal & I’m ridiculously bored! (also doing the washing in between). But seriously, I hope you enjoyed the post & keep reading in the future. Thanks so much for following, what a massive commitment to have my work delivered straight to your inbox 😉 Many thanks again!
Criminology and football – what a dull life you lead!
I’m a raging coffee addict
Wow, things keep getting similar!! I too am also a follower of your blogs now… At this current point I am also writing a research proposal in regards to Human Movement and doing the washing! Are we secretly twins?? You have no idea how incredibly pleased I am to hear there is someone else out there in a similar position to me… I spend way too much time following Rebecca Judd and Lynette Bolton on Instagram, it makes me sad to see them live such fun lives!!! hahaha
I think we might be soul sisters. I had to unfollow Mrs Judd, I think jealousy is a really hideous emotion when not warranted. & she makes me very jealous haha. I’m really glad that you relate so closely, & I hope you come back again in the future for some more reading in between writing & washing 😀
Refreshing to see this title dismounted from the pedestal. Great read!
I’m glad you found it refreshing, I am nothing if not trying to be honest. Hope you visit again soon!
I used to live with the partner of an AFL player and saw it first hand! If that’s you above, then you’re more attractive than Rebecca Judd.
Wow what a great post!
I am a mother of a young man who has AFL football written all over his life! From the time he was able to move, and that was very young, he has had a footy in his hands (actually anything that he could kick and throw is usually in his hands)! These days life is centred around having just finished his second year of senior footy (only just turned 18); orders are rife each week for his carbo loading before games; training sessions are treated like deadlines; recovery is mandatory at the good old cold Port Melbourne beaches after games and its all footy, footy, footy AND that’s just one of the three men who fill my home!!!
Watching him play is the hardest I think! He’s hard at the ball, always under the pack and the first one out usually, but as you watch these mammoth bodies land on top or sling him around, like the rag doll they’d like him to be, it’s hard not to go all Mother Lion and want to rip their heads off in defence.
Court keep up your blogging, as I read this one tonight I found myself continuing on and reading the others, we’re all massive West Coast Eagles fans (cheer squad members in Melb who are originally Kalgoorlie’ites) so we love supporting our players and their supportive partners.
Enjoy the off season and good luck always Suz x
Your boy seems to work just as hard as mine! I wish him the best of luck. & I commend you, as I know the commitment it takes from the women too. Thank you for taking the time to comment! I hope you come back for a read again soon. I am originally from Melbourne (Ash & I both are) & there aren’t enough Eagles supporters there. So thanks for flying the flag in the East! 😀
This was a great read! I’m a passionate West coast eagles fan and always have been. I’ve always thought WAG’s have the best life because of their parters! but this blog has proven me wrong! You girls still have to live like the rest of us but with a twist! I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be a WAG specially to a eagles player haha and you have given me insight on being a WAG you are a great writer and i’ll be following your blog from now on 🙂
Not only are our boys dedicated to the sport, but we are too & we’re dedicated to supporting them in every way possible. Most of us are just normal girls who have partners with exceptional jobs! I secretly smile inside when someone recognises Ash, it’s a novelty to me & it makes me happy. It’s a far cry from what people think. Thanks for following Emily, I hope you like my future stuff!
Hey baby girl, I took my time before I read it. Snappy, funny, heartfelt and concise. You have a talent, and I look forward to more. ahhhh you little one!!! Aunty Cobes
Thanks Aunty Cobes! It’s the people who I love opinions who matter most, and I am so glad you like xxx
Amy chance you guys will up and back to Melbourne? Heard perth is a shit hole!
Not at the moment!
*any
[…] relatable part is easy, for I am merely a normal person. Sorry for being blindingly obvious. The revealing part is also fine with me, as honesty is my best […]
This is genius! Stumbled across your blog instead of smashing out uni work *oops* and have enjoyed everything I’ve read so far!
Thank you so much 🙂 been very quiet lately but I hope to change that asap!
I’m a bit behind the ball but just read the article and it could not have been more spot on.
Amen to you sister, especially on the homesickness stuff!. I’ve moved from Adelaide to Melbourne to be with my partner & the first six months were hell. Knowing no one was isolating torture, it got to the point where i would go to Coles twice daily, mainly to get some face to face conversation happening (and allow my parents to get off of the phone for a short amount of time, at least.).
Thanks for the great read!